Meltdown

I live with three young children. I love them deeply, but, like all children, they can be wildly unreasonable over the smallest of things. The plate and the cup don’t match? Meltdown. Too much butter, not enough jam? Hissy fit. Having to take shoes off before socks go on? Unthinkable.

At home, I shrug these moments off. I know they’re not signs of something “wrong” but simply the growing pains of childhood. My children live in an environment that is safe, predictable, and forgiving. Over time, they will learn to navigate disappointment, frustration, and unfairness. They will stumble, yes, but they will also become resilient and able to take risks, accept consequences, and recover from setbacks.

But when I saw similar behaviour in my professional world - 16-year-olds slamming chairs, walking out of lessons, or erupting in anger over what seemed meaningless, I felt something different. I wasn’t dismissing it as development. They were lost without a compass.

Why?

Because the difference isn’t the size of the outburst (or the young person, for that matter), but the scaffolding around it. My children can weather frustration because they trust the environment to hold them. They know, deep down, they will be helped to find their way back. They have predictability. They have safety. They have access recovery. They will learn to navigate. 

For many vulnerable or trauma-experienced young people, that scaffolding isn’t there. Their histories may be littered with broken promises, inconsistent relationships, and unsafe environments. So, when they experience overwhelming feelings like anger, shame, and disappointment, the eruption is not simply a “phase.” It is the visible surface of deeper wounds. They need help to navigate.

Safe relationships mean that young people know they are not alone when their emotions feel unbearable. Predictable environments mean that they can come off high alert, trusting the ground beneath their feet. Real recovery means that, with time and support, they can learn to navigate frustration, disappointment, and even trauma in ways that move them toward growth rather than further harm.

When we see outbursts in classrooms or youth clubs, the question is not “why are they behaving like this?” but “what scaffolding is missing around them?”

Because for our own children, we can shrug off mismatched plates. We know they will be okay. The challenge for us as professionals is to create the same conditions of safety and predictability for those young people who cannot yet shrug off life’s blows.

Only then can they risk becoming resilient. Only then can recovery become real.